Nice try, CVS.

I see what you’re trying to do, CVS. You can’t start putting Christmas stuff out on OCTOBER FREAKING 2nd and slip it past me. Even if you just kind of sneak it up on the top shelf of the medicine aisle, I’m gonna sniff it out. 84 days until Christmas, and they’re already rolling out the chocolate Santa’s and candy canes.

Poor frigging Thanksgiving. Totally gets the shaft. Always has. Everyone gets all pumped up for Halloween, putting pumpkins out, taking baths in pumpkin spice coffee, putting scarecrows and bats and ghosts up all over the place. What can we do to show everyone that we’re pumped for Thanksgiving?? Put out a cornucopia thing on our front porch??

Christmas comes stomping up in Thanksgiving’s face and takes a huge leak all over it. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day to celebrate family and all of the great things we are thankful for, but it’s quickly becoming The Day We Need To Research Who Has The Best Black Friday Deals. We should be celebrating how the Pilgrims came rolling up into the Native American’s house, totally unannounced, and the Native American’s welcomed them with open arms. And then the Pilgrims used them to learn how to plant corn and fish and hunt, and eventually kicked them to the side. Why can’t we just focus on celebrating that?