(My 6-year old daughter, in the back of the car giggling to herself...)
Me: Honey, what are you doing?
Daughter: nothing
Me: then why are you laughing back there?
Daughter: because I just tooted and it came up my front privates. It tickled.
Jeff's son: want me to tell you what time it is?
Jeff: sure buddy
Jeff's son: ask me what time it is
Jeff: what time is it
Jeff's son: it's 14 degrees outside!
My Daughter (walking back home off the bus with my son): I don't want you to give me the Him Neck Remover!
My Son: Fine, I'll do it to this leaf. You just pick it up and stand behind it and start squeezing it's belly really hard.
Daughter: I don't ever want anyone to give me the Him Neck Remover!
Son: Hi, dad. We're practicing medical procedures on each other!
Daughter 1: I don't think I'll like Rice a Roni. I don't even like rice.
Daughter 2: No, it's good! You don't even taste the rice. You only taste the roni.
(My daughter and I are listening to a cardinal out side her window, and I whistle back at it)
Daughter: Dad, how do you know if what you're saying back to the bird is nice?
(bird flies away)
Daughter: See, dad! That's why you should only say nice things to birds.
(My son sees a guy with a really big afro)
Son: Dad, that guy has a really big alfredo.
(Daughter 1 and Daughter 2 are sitting on the floor as a consequence. Daughter 2 keeps asking how much time is left of their consequence)
Daughter 1 to Daughter 2: Stop asking how much time is left! A watched clock never boils!
Daughter 1: I just saw whiskers on a bird! It was a catbird!
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