Kids say Dumb Stuff

(My 6-year old daughter, in the back of the car giggling to herself...)

Me: Honey, what are you doing?

Daughter: nothing

Me: then why are you laughing back there?

Daughter: because I just tooted and it came up my front privates. It tickled.

Jeff's son: want me to tell you what time it is?

Jeff: sure buddy

Jeff's son: ask me what time it is

Jeff: what time is it

Jeff's son: it's 14 degrees outside!

My Daughter (walking back home off the bus with my son): I don't want you to give me the Him Neck Remover!

My Son: Fine, I'll do it to this leaf. You just pick it up and stand behind it and start squeezing it's belly really hard.

Daughter: I don't ever want anyone to give me the Him Neck Remover!

Son: Hi, dad. We're practicing medical procedures on each other!

Daughter 1: I don't think I'll like Rice a Roni. I don't even like rice.

Daughter 2: No, it's good! You don't even taste the rice. You only taste the roni.

(My daughter and I are listening to a cardinal out side her window, and I whistle back at it)

Daughter: Dad, how do you know if what you're saying back to the bird is nice?

(bird flies away)

Daughter: See, dad! That's why you should only say nice things to birds.

(My son sees a guy with a really big afro)

Son: Dad, that guy has a really big alfredo.

(Daughter 1 and Daughter 2 are sitting on the floor as a consequence. Daughter 2 keeps asking how much time is left of their consequence)

Daughter 1 to Daughter 2: Stop asking how much time is left! A watched clock never boils!

Daughter 1: I just saw whiskers on a bird! It was a catbird!