If I had to guess when the following story took place, I would say it was sometime around 1999-2000. These were just about the best years of my independent life. My two best friends and I would just jump in the car without a plan in mind, and just go where ever our instincts took us. On this particular day, we drove up to Boston just to go to McDonald's. That would never happen now. Back then, it would have cost us about $8.00 in gas money. Now? More like $40. That's just stupid.
Anyway, we had our Mickey-D's and were getting ready to go. Jeff said he had to go to the bathroom before we left. Off he went, and my friend Dan and I sat there thinking nothing of it. Little did we know what Jeff was about to go through. Here is Jeff's account of what happened...
"We were in Boston just mucking around like we often did back in the late 90's. We were at the McDonald's by the Garden (Fleet Center at the time). I am sure I enjoyed a two cheeseburger meal, fries, and a coke. I wasn't the heavyweight I am today, where I can put down 2-3 times that much food. But the rumbles began and the blowout was imminent. I rushed to the bathroom to find it only had ONE STALL! And one urinal. I waited in the bathroom and contemplated using the urinal or sink. But then thought the guy on the stall would have to hear and smell that apocalyptic shit calamity. And then he would walk out and there would be feces everywhere like a pack of tamarins got loose in there after feeding time. So I waited and as soon as he opened the door to wash his hands, I hip checked him like Taylor Swift was in there bent over at the waist touching her toes and offering the first
person in the stall to lap her butt cheeks. I sat down and gave that toilet a fire hose of poop. I blanked out. I don't remember much. I think I might have even passed out. Once I was done wiping, which equates to cleaning up an oil spill basically, I walked out of the stall. I found a large black urban Bostonian who just looked at me and said "you need fucking surgery son!". To which I replied............
Wasn't me. And walked out. The end."
Those were the days.
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